A Parent’s Guide to Cultivate Kids’
Confidence in Decision Making

7 Principles for cultivating kids’ confidence in decision-making

Indra Raj Pathak
7 min readOct 14, 2023
Photo by sofatutor on Unsplash

As a father of two wonderful children and a school principal for fifteen years, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing the growth and development of countless young minds. It’s taken me years to fully understand just how crucial it is to nurture a child’s confidence in their decision-making skills. It’s a skill that not only shapes their future but also empowers them to become responsible, independent individuals.

In this narrative, I’ll share my personal journey as a parent and an educator, offering insights and practical tips on how to guide your kids towards becoming confident decision-makers.

My journey in understanding the significance of cultivating kids’ confidence in decision-making began with the birth of my son. His arrival brought immense joy and a new set of responsibilities into our lives. As a young father, I was eager to provide him with the best possible upbringing. Little did I know that this would involve more than just providing for his material needs.

One of the first lessons I learned was to let him make small decisions from an early age. It started with something as simple as choosing his clothes. Instead of picking them myself, I would present him with a couple of options and let him decide. Initially, it took patience as he fumbled through the clothes, but gradually, he became more confident in his choices. This small act of autonomy had a profound impact on his self-esteem.

As he grew, so did his decisions. From selecting his television serials to deciding what extracurricular activities to pursue, I encouraged him to think for himself. I noticed that as he gained experience in making these choices, he not only became more confident but also more responsible for his decisions. He understood that with choices came consequences, and this awareness was a crucial step in his development. He learnt to be accountable for his decisions.

Here, I relate an instance to highlight the necessity of parental guidance to develop decision making among children during formative years.

Upon graduating high school, students in my country have the choice to choose a specialized stream for their future studies. In the beginning of the academic session, I used to explain the potential career paths associated with each stream and encouraged the students to explore their passions and interests in the related fields. It is unfortunate that many teenagers fail to pursue their own passions and, like parasites, follow the same choice as their friends, neighbors, and relatives. They didn’t care for their genuine interests, but how others do around them. They couldn’t dare to have their decisions.

Some parents’ behavior demotivates children to develop confidence. They accuse their kids of being reckless and unreliable. Despite being mature enough to take care of themselves, they are still referred to as immature.

According to research, mothers tend to offer more emotional support to their children than fathers. In serving their kids, some mothers take a hospitality approach and treat them like guests. She never asks them to do their tasks. Instead, she herself does for them and makes them dependent even to complete routine tasks out of sheer parental love.

Never pamper your kids. Give them opportunities to expose themselves in a variety of life situations. Help them grow mentally and emotionally without interference. Stop spoon feeding anything and everything. Give them a chance to decide and act under your supervision. Kids become more careful and responsible than adults, if you assign task and trust them. Give financial literacy to sharpen their decisions about money matters.

Simultaneously, as a school principal, I observed a parallel need for cultivating decision-making skills among our students. Our educational system prioritizes memorization and standardized testing over critical thinking and problem-solving. I realized we needed to change our approach to empower our students to make informed decisions.

We started by introducing a program that encouraged students to take ownership of their learning. I made up the Student Advisory Board and School Appraisal Committee to provide them with opportunities for decision making. We assigned house Prefects to perform as “Prefect on Duty” to report about all the functioning of the school on a day on rotation basis. I gave them the freedom to choose projects and topics that interested them within the curriculum guidelines. This approach not only boosted their engagement but also allowed them to experience the consequences of their decisions in a safe and supportive environment.

Courtesy: Indra Raj Pathak Author training teachers-”How to foster Decision making among Kids”

Watching our students undergoing remarkable change over the years was a truly rewarding experience. They became more self-assured, more capable of handling challenges, and more willing to take risks. These were all indicators of the growing confidence in their decision-making abilities.

Back at home, my son, Ethan, was growing up too. I applied the same principles to his upbringing, ensuring that he had opportunities to make choices and learn from them. His interests were different from his elder brother, and I realized the importance of tailoring my approach to each child’s unique personality and needs. This individualized attention was crucial to building their confidence.

One of the most significant challenges I faced as a parent and a principal was striking a balance between guiding my children and allowing them to make mistakes. It’s natural for parents to want to protect their kids from failure, but I knew that failure often provides the best lessons. I had to resist the urge to intervene too quickly when my children faced difficulties.

I vividly recall an incident involving my elder son in middle school. He had signed up for a science project he was passionate about but struggled to complete. His initial enthusiasm waned as he encountered obstacles. It was heart-wrenching to watch him grapple with frustration, but I resisted the urge to step in. Instead, I provided support and encouragement, reminding him that mistakes were a part of the learning process.

Ultimately, he persevered, and his project not only earned him a respectable grade, but also taught him resilience and problem-solving skills. This experience reinforced the idea that confidence in decision-making is closely tied to the ability to bounce back from setbacks.

As a school principal, I continued to emphasize the importance of learning from failure in our curriculum. We created spaces for students to reflect on their decisions, both successful and unsuccessful, and encouraged them to develop strategies for improvement. This not only enhanced their decision-making skills, but also fostered a growth mindset.

By the time both my sons reached high school, I could see the fruits of our efforts in their confident and independent personalities. They were unafraid to voice their opinions, take on leadership roles, and make choices that aligned with their goals and values. It was a gratifying feeling as a parent and an educator to witness their growth.

Image by the author

Through my journey as both a father and a school principal, I’ve distilled some key principles for cultivating kids’ confidence in decision-making:

1. Start Early

Give your children opportunities to make choices from a young age. Even simple decisions like what to wear or what to have for breakfast can be empowering for them.

2. Tailor Your Approach

Recognize that each child is unique. What works for one may not work for another. Adjust your parenting style to their personalities and needs.

3. Allow for Mistakes

Understand that mistakes are part of the learning process. Instead of shielding your children from failure, help them see it as an opportunity to grow and improve.

4. Encourage Reflection

Teach your children to reflect on their decisions. What worked? What didn’t? What can they do differently next time? This habit of self-reflection is invaluable.

5. Lead by Example

Model confident decision-making in your own life. Let your children see that you too make choices, face challenges, and learn from your experiences.

6. Promote Independence

Gradually increase the autonomy your children have in decision-making as they mature. This will prepare them for the responsibilities of adulthood.

7. Provide Support

Be there to offer guidance, encouragement, and a listening ear when your children face tough decisions. Your support is a crucial safety net as they navigate their choices.

My Opinion

I’ve learned that fostering confidence in decision-making is a lifelong journey. It requires patience, adaptability, and a willingness to let go as your children grow. By following above mentioned principles positively, you can empower your children to become self-assured, responsible, and resilient individuals ready to tackle the challenges of life with confidence.

I love to read your opinion in response.

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Indra Raj Pathak

Educationist by career, writer-poet by passion, thinker by nature, humorous by taste, an empath by heart.